When I'm not enjoying an Evan Williams 12-Year in my executive suite, I like to reminisce back to simpler times. No, not back to the days of mules, scurvy, Texas-style shootouts or bales upon bales of delicious barley. What I'm here to talk about today are the best applications we enjoyed in our hay day, before the internet grew into the ferocious supreme ruler of all of our lives.
There was nothing like coming home from school and racing your sibling to your family desktop computer to interact with any of the following games, clients, and interactive software that comprise of this list. Time for a blast of nostalgia as we take a look back into what once was.
#5: The Oregon Trail
If you're lucky (I was one of the lucky ones) you were able to enjoy endless hours of this show-stopping game at school and at home as well. I imagine the history teachers foaming at the mouth knowing they didn't have to teach another lesson of the Ottoman Empire and could just borrow the laptops for a period to have the kids play a game where they get to watch all of their family and friends die in obscure ways. It truly was the original time-sucker before Instagram showed up.
#4: AOL Instant Messenger (AIM)
If you didn't have an AIM screen name I'm guessing that you also weren't allowed to watch TV, drink Mountain Dew Code Red, and probably had a hell of a freshman year of college. Every person and their mother had a screen name and those 45 minutes a night you were allowed to chat with your friends began the interconnectivity of social media as we know it today. You didn't actually have a girlfriend if you didn't have <3 [her name here] in your profile and you weren't cool without a Badass Buddies buddy icon. But the best part of AIM was hands down the away messages. This is where the world was your oyster, and you could also let everyone know how cool you are.
#3: My IP Relay
Alright everyone, buckle up because this isn't one that ~30 year old Dr. Rye is proud of. For those of you not aware with this service, My IP Relay was a screen name you could IM with a phone number and someone God knows where would call that number and read off whatever you would type to them. Whatever you would type to them. This service was for the disabled, which makes it inherently evil that kids were using it for their own amusement (and plus this was pre-caller ID days), but some of the absolute funniest prank calls would be from an operator reading off lyrics to songs, pretend calls from lost lovers, and complete nonsense to your buddies. Alright, this was bad. But we were kids, we were young. No one got hurt so just stop judging. I need a drink.
#2: Brick Breaker on Blackberry (WILD CARD)
I'm going to allow this one in somewhat of a technical loophole. A Blackberry is a computer after all and without a doubt I spent countless hours playing this game. No, I wasn't rich enough or cool enough to ever have a Blackberry growing up, but my go-to move at the dinner table when we went to Hoss's or another fine dining establishment was to beg my dad for his Blackberry so I could get as deep into this game as my chubby thumbs could muster. I've also decided that Snake can share the spot with this one too, in that case you'd need an old Nokia the size of a banana with the weight of a clarinet to play, but nothing beats those old simple mind-numbing phone games, except...
#1: Limewire
The crown daddy of them all! We all had Limewire and it is certain we all had computer crashes, trojans installed, disgusting viruses caught, and possibly lawsuits issued from this revolutionary program. In the wake of Napster, Limewire emerged as the next peer-to-peer file sharing network that broke so many laws even making examples of certain users in court wasn't enough to slow it down. From pirated movies, to bootleg albums, to horrifying voice actors imitating Elmo performing unspeakable acts to the other residents of Sesame Street, Limewire had it all. And it was so, so slow. 3 minute songs would take hours to complete, and at least half of them contained vicious malware. It was the wild wild west and us newly pubescent patrons were its pioneers. Simpler times.
Have a favorite nostalgic application that I missed? Sound off in the comments below! And yeah, I know you have to have an account to comment, and for that I'm sorry. Give me a bunch of money and I'll leave Wix for something more functional. Until then, use just 1 ice cube and fill her to the brim.
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