A lot of people have lifelong companions. "My best friend Alice from kindergarten," one might say, "has always been there for me. It's amazing, we've been friends for over 20 years!" Another bloke might note that his mate from summer camp has always kept in touch and now as adults, they live in the same city. Remarkable.
My best friend, on the other hand, I've known since she was weeks old. I proved that I was there for her when she got a UTI for the first time the second day I knew her. And I was there for all the other UTI's, ear infections, yeast infections, and more. She knows my devotion to her, and yet she gives back even more than that. She's devoted to always be in my house, she completely abides by my schedule, she likes to roll around on the floor with me, and even enjoys my meals with me. I'm talking about no other than my pup, let's call her Bonkers.
Look at that shnuffly little shnuffenburger. There are a million reasons why my dog Bonkers is my best friend in the entire world (if I had a lifeboat with 3 extra seats I'd let Dr. Rye and Angry Mike become fish food while me and Bonky lounged to safety). But there are 3 main reasons why this four-legged fluff ball has the #1 spot in my heart. Lezzgitit.
#1: She is more attractive than me
Being me, it's really, really hard to find humans that stack up to me in attractiveness. You may not be able to tell with the ski mask on, but God blessed me with the gift of rugged handsomeness that is usually found in old Western movies. But, I pale in comparison to my best buddy Bonky girl. When I walk down the street alone, I usually receive cat calls (from both sexes) and have to swat away oversized brassieres from landing on my head, causing me to look like a muscular fly. However, when I walk down the street with Bonkers, all eyes are on her. I can relax and just be the background guy while pedestrians coo and caw over the majestic beauty that is her. A load off my back, and a show for the rest of the world.
#2: We like all the same stuff
Things Bonkers likes: treats, food, barking, laying, sleeping, farting, pooping, licking herself. With some slight variations (my treats are bourbon (#BodybyBourbon) and as for licking herself, well, use your imagination) we are pratically clones of each other. They say opposites attract, but when you get a carbon copy of yourself in a furry form that is always down to do the activity you want to do... buddy that's when you get yourself a best friend.
#3: She plays by her own rules... and that's badass
As humans, society tells us to do a whole bunch of stuff we don't necessarily want to do. We refer to these as "societal norms." Try telling Bonkers that. She might laugh at you, or even just piss on your floor. Or start playing with herself 2 feet away from you. How could I admire someone any more than doing that? She's constantly naked, something I don't do for a variety of reasons but would kill to do. Bonkers even shits outside, every boy's dream. And that's because she wants to. She's not some sort of uncivilized beast, she doesn't shit where she eats, but she does it because that's where she feels like shitting.
Bonkers is an inspiration to me. She shares so many parts with me, but also eclipses who I can be as a person on a daily basis. Yet, she loves me more than anything on this Earth. For that, I am truly blessed, and a very privileged man to call her my best friend. You hear that "Alice from kindergarten?" Fuck your friendship. Me and Bonkers, out.
Have a best friend that could rival Bonkers? More of a cat guy or girl? If it's the cat thing, don't comment, but if not sound off in the comments to discuss who our best friends are and why.
#BONUSNOTE: Girls have a tendency to call every single one of their friends their "bestie." Have some respect. You only get one bestie. Mine is Bonkers. Maybe it's time to think long and hard... who's yours?
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